July 21, 2011 A Vignette from Research Experience

    Background

    Through my experience of a genuine adult-youth partnership, I have come to discover that being valued, heard, respected and trusted by my whole group (peers and adults) has created a safe space where I could learn, grow and become. It has profoundly impacted me emotionally, interpersonally, spiritually, academically, and professionally. When I initially joined the research group, I was a troubled youth on the beginning of a long journey to becoming a better person. Being interested in science, the term 'research' drew me in and I joined the group somewhat blindly, not knowing what to expect. I was surprised to learn that the adults in the group shared the same passions, desires and concerns that I had. They empowered me to become a leader in the group. This seemed like a privilege at the time which I approached with mild reluctance. I had never before been given the reigns to take over and there was a certain discomfort followed by the sheer excitement that they (the “higher ups”) wanted to hear my voice. I had never been trusted or respected or felt adequate enough to take on a leadership role in a professional setting. In school and at my job, I was taught to obey; obey the teacher, the principal, the employer. As an assertive young person, I frequently got myself into trouble by speaking my mind. Adults often avoided me or tried to punish me for using my voice.

   

    After attending meetings for several months and consistently being empowered by the adults to take on various leadership tasks, such as taking notes and doing research relating to a number of topics, I became used to the concept of youth as leaders. I was exposed to other forms of youth leadership through videos and literature that we had the opportunity to examine, and since the whole concept of youth voice and involvement in educational reform was introduced to me, I have been growing and learning how to be an effective, responsible leader. My definition of a leader has many great qualities, such as time management, enthusiasm, consistency, perseverance, a positive attitude, and a strong desire for change. It is also someone who opens up, shares themselves, and makes a honest attempt to contribute to discussions. A leader must respect others' opinions and beliefs, and be true to his/herself while practicing humility.

    Time and time again, the adult members of the group allowed me to experiment, mess up, learn, become frustrated, talk it through, and grow. For example, at different points throughout the research, I became frustrated because I felt that youth did not want a say in the functioning and structure of the education system and it was unreasonable to think youth could handle the responsibilities. I felt this way because I myself did not want to do all the academic work required of me during a summer job placement. While I had anticipated my unwillingness would be met with disappointment and austerity, I was surprised to discover that Morgan had nothing but patience, understanding, and acceptance of my feelings. As opposed to becoming angry and dismissing me like I had expected, she made a valiant effort to communicate with me lovingly and adjust my work situation so that it accommodated what I felt comfortable and happy to do. I was thankful for this but felt guilty for causing disruption. Sometime later she was venting to me about all her work which was due. It was then that I made the connection and realized that she was not merely asking me to do tasks and reaping the benefits. She also had a massive workload she was undertaking and was doing so gracefully. This experience helped me realize that we are true partners, that we all have a lot of work to do, and with communication and understanding we can work through the demanding times together.

    The adult teammates' consistent patience with us played a major role in the success of our partnership. They were always open to working with us at our own pace while we broadened our understanding of participatory action research and youth voice, and learned effective teamwork and communication. Patience with scheduling, transportation, and commitment-barriers helped keep our team together and thriving even through the daily struggles of setting appropriate meeting dates, finding locations that were convenient for everyone, and accommodating to the best of our ability.

    The belief my team had in me fostered a rich soil for my seed of curiosity and knowledge to grow.  The more I learned about the inequities in schools (through my own reflections and from the experiences of others) the more I wanted to know so the more I sought out. It was in this safe, nourishing and accepting environment that I flourished as a youth leader. I call my transformation in terms of leadership my guided to independent transformation. I refer to guided leadership as being an eager helper and keen participant. Independent leadership refers to actually feeling confident to make my own decisions and seek out answers to my questions, and engaging others in my process (as opposed to being engaged in the others' processes, although just as important.) At first, I was hesitant and unsure of myself in regards to taking on a leadership role.  Over time I completed more tasks, tested new waters, faced struggles, obstacles, challenges, successes and achievements, and had the opportunity to work on various projects. Such tasks/projects included creating an organized system for hundreds of academic articles, working on my story of the education system in a creative expression, interviewing facilitators of the Murphy Centre in an attempt to learn what their desired changes for that school would be, creating a survey for youth about their experience in the high school system, conducting outreach dates with youth in Newfoundland (through surveys, focus groups, interviews, and open forums,) and creating a directory listing for the Community Youth Network website. Through these experiences, I grew an immeasurable amount. I once sought the approval from adults in the group, for instance, upon completion of researching the types of alternative schools in North America I asked if it was correct and complete. Now I feel confident in my decisions, for instance, I do my own work independently and feel confident of the outcome. When I complete a task I am at peace with what I have done. I once asked to facilitate parts of meetings whereas now I am planning meetings and agendas to facilitate. The shift occurred over time, through the process of encouragement to facilitate,  a feeling of accomplishment, and confidence building based on positive reinforcement. I was once prompted to engage youth in our study and I am now independently seeking out youth to engage. I was once a peer support person and now I am a peer mentor. For instance, I was there for youth if they needed support in their research, writing, etc., and now they ask me about the research on a deeper level and I help them conceptualize concepts, understand ideas, and offer my experience as the adult participants had done for me when I started. I used to complete tasks asked of me and now I am figuring out tasks to complete. I once agreed with ideas and gave input and now I am creating my own ideas as well as speaking my mind when I do not agree.

    Transformation

       This transformation affects all aspects of my life. The lessons I have learned are universal-- respect, confidence, determination-- and cross over my different selves (friend, mother, student, employee, etc.) Within my research group, I play an equal role in decision making, as well as creating and planning strategies and tactics for our group to implement. For example, during the composition of the survey, I was an equal partner in deciding which questions to ask, what demographic to target, and which structure to use. I carry just as much weight and responsibilities as my adult teammates, and I have learned to balance those responsibilities. The adults in our group have invested the time and energy into truly understanding and working with us (youth) at our level, where we are in our lives. Whether we need assistance building our understanding or knowledge, patience while we work out our own beliefs and judgments for ourselves, or are building our emotional capacity, the adult teammates have supported us and offered us advice and companionship throughout the process.  This investment has carried through as we are a major driving force in the success and continuity of the team. We have learned so much from their compassion and sensitivity, and are now able to be that type of partner to them as well, nurturing, understanding and loving them as they did us.

       Emotionally, this transformation has also had a significant impact on me. I am now confident, self-assured, and responsible. My instinct reactions have also completely changed. I was once hot-headed and my anger was easily triggered. Now, if faced with a negative or confrontational situation I am able to maintain composure and deal with the issue effectively. In circumstances where I once believed I would be nervous or intimidated, I have conquered and excelled. I have become more articulate and able to better cope with my emotions. I now care about creating change, always wanting to be an advocate for those who are disempowered or whose voices have been silenced. I have a better understanding of people's unique perspectives, opinions, histories and struggles, and therefore approach new people with an open, non-judgmental attitude. This shift occurred due to the extensive connecting I have done with my team members as well as the youth we are reaching out to. Through hearing their stories and having the opportunity to have a human relationship with them, I have been awakened to the reality of the struggles everyone faces, despite their age, gender, race, ethnicity, income, education or sexuality. Where I once was ignorant about others' troubles, I have now been enlightened and can empathize with them without judging them based on an immature perspective of what I once thought people were like. I have grown tremendously because of this, and because I can accept and love others', I can accept and love myself. I feel trusted, respected, heard, valued, empathized with, and understood, but I now trust myself, respect myself, and believe in myself. I was allowed a space to speak and act freely, where my teammates always reinforced the positive things I did and helped me through the tough times.

   

**  ended here/ start here    Partnership as Relationship

    Through more than three years of trials and tribulations, we have grown to become somewhat of a family, caring for each other and loving each other as families do. The adults' commitment to youth allowed me to grow as a person at my own pace in a safe and comfortable relationship, and it blossomed into a strong mutual commitment. This close, connectedness we feel allows us to open up and reflect so deeply and profoundly that we have broken new ground in terms of true adult-youth partnerships. Without the strength and integrity of a relationship as a partnership, we would not have been able to dismantle as many barriers as we had. Our relationship with one another is our safety net and sense of security in knowing that even if it gets messy or is emotionally strenuous, that we will be there for one another, non-judgmental, loving and offering support. We frequently compliment and contradict each other, offer different perspectives and insights on a topic, and create sparks for one another which lights up an endless flow of ideas and realizations.

    Breaking New Ground

    As illustrated by my real-life experience, adult-youth partnerships foster an environment where youth can utilize the professional and personal experience and networks of their adult teammates, and the adult teammates can share the curiosity and determination of the youth. In a society where there are clearly constructed boundaries about what is defined as 'right' and 'wrong' interaction between adult and youth, it is immensely challenging for each age group to take on the roles and mindset of the opposite.

    As a youth, I was conditioned by society to never question the authority of the adults, to follow instructions, to nod and say yes, and to believe that until I was “grown-up” that I would not have anything valuable or worthwhile to contribute to the betterment of society, and more specifically, the education system. Therefore, it took me by surprise when the adult team members were encouraging me to think, act and share in ways that I perceived to be “adult”. Finally, I broke out of my shell and free from the social constraints that made me believe I was too young to be a valuable contributor, and I flourished as a researcher, student, and employee. I took the lessons I learned in the research group and I applied it to the other dimensions of my life. I am now a more successful student, listener, speaker, activist, critical thinker, team player, etc. Not only do I enjoy the privileges of being heard, but I also have taken on the moral responsibility that comes along with that. With power comes responsibility, and having the opportunity to have a sense of control, power, and shared-authority in a group of adults and youth instilled in me a sense of ownership, control, and responsibility for my own voice and actions.

    The adult teammates faced similar limitations of society's expectation of how they should treat and interact with youth. Adults are expected to have all the answers, not to relate to youth on a personal level, manage and control young people, and not exhibit that they too may have questions and concerns over the same issues youth feel passionately about. Our group ripped down those barriers, and we interchangeably experienced emotions, insights, reflections, frustrations, etc., that are stereotypically experiences characteristic of the other age group. We each made ourselves vulnerable to the group, and it was through that vulnerability that we were able to dig to the depths of our honesty and really pull out these magnificent theories and understandings of the topics were discussed.

       

    There are several examples throughout our work together which particularly resonate with me in terms of pushing and breaking the constructed boundaries and limitations of adult-youth partnerships. During the early stages of our research, Morgan Gardner and I encountered difficulty communicating with one another. I was speaking in a youth language, and she in an academic language. In an attempt to explain my views on how to make the topic of theorizing youth voice in the education system more accessible for young people, I fumbled and realized that there was no language that I understood to express myself. This was a frustrating period, and Morgan and I struggle for some time in a thoughtful, honest attempt at understanding one another. Making explicit that we had, in fact, reach a language barrier did help us talk it through, and eventually, we were able to create a comprehensive dialect that we could both understand.

    ** Don't know if I will include this....

    Another example that I also feel deeply about occurred over the duration of the study (and is still happening) which Morgan articulated at a retreat day recently; the concept of riding the tensions between institutions and our lives. Juggling the various, and sometimes contradictory, expectations of these junctions was challenging yet energizing. Being a SSHRC funded study based out of Memorial University we had certain objectives and criteria that needed to be met, specific guidelines we had to follow, and very particular ethical procedures that had to be followed. However, an honest adult-youth partnership is messy, unpredictable, emotional, yet rich, invigorating and insightful. **Where do I want to go with this?? **

I wouldn't have considered the relationships I had with those adults in Choices and the Murphy Centre an equal partnership. They were respectful, open, safe places and I did start to warm up to adults because of them, but they are youth advocates, working on behalf of the youth, whereas the research group was a partnership, working with youth. At Choices and the MC the counselors, facilitators, etc, gave youth the tools they needed and told them what they needed to do in order to achieve certain goals (for Choices, they directed me/helped me in getting my funding/own apartment.. in MC, the helped me get my high school). I guess at first Vision to Practice was similar to me, because I viewed the relationships in a similar way I had with Kathy Nobel (Choices) or Trudy (MC)... so I would do tasks assigned of me and contribute or whatever. It really evolved into a partnership for me when I realized that no one in this group was getting paid to help me-- they did not need to be there, supporting us along the way. I did feel that way about Kathy & Trudy, for example, because I still had hostility towards adults in my mind and I remember rationalizing their kindness as being "well this is their job they're getting paid to do this".. And I didn't really impact anyone (as far as I was aware at the time) at Choices or the MC. They were there to help me, it didn't go both ways. But I really saw how the people in our group took my words to heart and it deeply impacted them, either through further realizations which stemmed from some thought that I had triggered or through the work that I did that contributed to the bigger picture.. does this make sense?